LEORIO'S REVENGE
by reeyachan
Summary: Leorio has had enough of the character underrating. He decided to plot his revenge on the three hunters. What will it be? Will he succeed? No pairings. Leorio tortures Kurapika, Killua, and (slightly) Gon. Hehe XD


/N: This is because of my brutal torture to Leorio's poor name. (Leorio: Whose _name_ did you just call poor, you cruel writer!?) Ah… to Leorio's GREAT name, rather. Ahehe~ *nervous laugh, cold sweat* ANYWAY, PLEASE READ THIS AND REVIEW AND PRAISE LEORIO-SAMA UNTIL HISOKA STOPS STALKING AND HARASSING GON AND ALL THE OTHER MALE CHARACTERS IN HxH KUDASAI! *bows and pleads continuously* (Machi: Hey! That pedo-freak has to stay away from me too!) Gomen, Machi-san, if I include you in the list then Hisoka won't have someone to run to, ri–

Machi: *clears throat* STANDARD DISCLAIMERS APPLY. I'm out of here.

* * *

**LEORIO'S REVENGE**

"_Leorio-sama…"_

A soft, calm, soothing voice did not shook the sleeping doctor even a bit. Instead it made him want to sleep more and dream of himself running peacefully through an open meadow field with the smell of flowers all around, the sound of the gush of wind flying around and touching his face, while the birds chirp happily above him in a very tranquil summer day. He turned and sank his face on the pillow – feeling the softness of the fabric brush against his skin. Even the sheets of his bed smell like flowers. He smiled.

"_Leorio-sama…"_

Leorio giggled. It's as though the voice was tickling him. He inhaled and whispered, "What?"

The voice–or rather, _voices_–chuckled. "It's morning, our dear master."

_Ah…_ Leorio thought. His eyelids fluttered and, with blurry sight, blinked while waking. His vision was becoming clear and there he saw the moment he opened his eyes, against his bright sunrays-filled window, the faces of the smiling people who called him master. For the first time, he was called master by the three standing–smiling–people before him. For the first time he was aided, attended, and served by no other than Gon, Killua, and Kurapika…

_Wait… What!? Are you kidding me!? Are you for real? Did Leorio hire some assassins to kill you if you didn't write that? Did he hire Hisoka to go after the three if they won't do this? Are they possessed? What happened!? Tell uuuuusssssss!_

Ahem… I was going to not until you interrupted you careless unknown person who came out of nowhere! So shut up you mean person who's implying that Leorio doesn't have it in him the character to be served and called master! Get out! Anyway, back to the story. Let's go back 24 hours ago, when all was highly, absolutely, incredibly the opposite of what I just narrated up there…

* * *

**24 HOURS AGO**

"_Nyihihihi~"_

Leorio's right cheek twitched when he felt a soft light object brushing against his nose. He grimaced and turned to his side to hide his face from anybody. He was situated on the sofa, lying there, sleeping, after a whole tiring day at the hospital. It was about half past 6 o'clock in the evening at that time and the rain was quite heavy so everyone in the gang–him, Gon, Killua, and even Kurapika–are all inside their apartment, waiting for the pizza delivery guy to come.

"Gyahihihi…"

The snickering and brushing of something on his face continued. The doctor flared to and fro his nostrils and accidentally got a whiff of the smell of the disgusting weird object being flung through his face. He sniffed. The snickering became louder and the soft cotton-like object was pushed more to his face. He inhaled all and every darn smell of that soft, cotton-like thing now resting on his face. Leorio hurled–almost. He instantly sat up and grabbed the object by his hands, stared at it and examined it as he clears his vision. He blinked a couple of times and…

"Uuuuugggghhhh…" Yes, he growled like an angry bull (complete with the smokes and everything. You know how much I love those XD). He turned to his left – his neck as slow as a rusted joint – and showed his teeth angrily, very angrily. "WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU TWO DOING!?" he asked between gritted teeth.

One boy was laughing his guts out and the other was scratching his nape while forcing a smile. The spiky haired boy laughed nervously while looking at him apologetically (as if he didn't want to do it but he _did_! For shame!). "Gomen, Leorio we–"

"Pwahahahahahaha! It's surprising you didn't die from all that smell, old man! Pwahaha!"

Leorio snapped. "NANI!?"

"Killua…"

"Gyahahahahahahaha! I mean, yeah you won't, because it's _yours_! Hahaha! Your immunity reeks! Hahahahaha!"

"Killua…"

The tall man breathed heavily with matching groaning (well, he breathed heavily with anger whenever he gets angry in the story) and stood up, belittling the two boys in front of him and threw away the rotten thing that almost made him puke to death–his own socks. Oh the ex-assassin's gonna get it this time. He has crossed the thin line of patience and understanding of the doctor. He's gonna get it good. And it's not just because the kid disturbed him in his sleep, or that he had him smell his rotten socks, and that he has brutally cut into pieces his character, but because of all the times he had done this over and over again. Nothing's going to stop him now. Not even a–

Ding dong~

"Pizza's here!"

"The first one to get the door gets the extra slice!"

"Okay! Go!"

They dashed–instantly. Leaving the doctor defeated… again.

"What's all the fuss about?" Kurapika, half yawning and stretching came in from his holy balcony place while holding a book on his right hand. He looked around and stopped five feet away from the poor creature. His eyebrows creased. "…Leorio?"

"WHY THE HELL AM I THE ONLY PERSON BULLIED IN THIS WHOLE WIDE WORLD!? I'M GOING TO GET THOSE TWO WHATEVER IT TAKES! THEY ARE NEVER GONNA GET AWAY WITH IT NOOOOWWW!" Leorio clenched his fists tight then pointed towards where the two dashed, yelling to the top of his lungs with spits spitting out of his mouth.

Kurapika leaned away and wiped his arms and face. "You can't '_get_' them. They're kids."

Leorio growled again like a hunger angry lion whose mate has been stolen and pointed a sharp finger on the Kuruta. "YOU! YOU SHOULD BE SCOLDING THEM! YOU SHOULD DO BETTER BECAUSE YOU'RE THE PERSON WHO THEY'LL SERIOUSLY LISTEN TO! JUST SCOLD THEM!"

Kurapika raised an eyebrow.

"AND BECAUSE YOU'RE MORE MOTHER-LIKE THAT'S WHY YOU SHOU–"

_BAM!_

In the good hour of dinner, there sat–squatting–in a corner, facing the wall of one living room inside one apartment, a man in his teens with black pants and white polo shirt, eyes squinting and fingers twitching.

_Mumbling, mumbling… Snickering, snickering…_

Poor man. Is he crazy? No, it's Leorio. And whoever or whatever did that to him will surely be guilty to the point of them taking suicide because of what they had done to him. For shame!

"What do you think he's doing?"

"Beats me."

"Leave him. He'll get to his senses later."

"Want to have a pizza eating contest?"

"Okay!"

_Sigh. What happened to the world of pity and concern?_

Darkness filled the apartment and the gush of strong wind howling all over the city is the only thing that can be heard in the middle of the cold December night. In one bedroom, after a bro wrestling on one bed, fish boy and pale face were sleeping soundly, not violently, that night because, without them knowing it, they were cuddled – Killua, with his neko face dreaming about who-knows-what, had his arms tightly and becoming more tight around and was cheek to cheek with his best buddy Gon, who was, on the other hand, slumbered comfortably, as if he's already used to being hugged in his sleep like that, closely (very very close) to his best buddy Killua – under the sheets because of, probably, the cold night. Imagined it? Yes, it's cute, I totally agree. (A/N: GYAAAAAA! XD)

In the other bedroom, a quiet and peaceful hush of breaths, inhaling and exhaling delicately, can be heard echoing through the four corners of the room. Through the white sheets of one bed, a honey gold head can be seen peeking under the blanket.

. . . . .

It wasn't moving. I wonder if Kurapika have stiffed necks in the morning.

Moving on to the bed beside the unmoving Kuruta, it was untouched and empty.

_Where is Leorio!?_

…

_Mumble mumble mumble…_

Snicker snicker snicker…

A-re?

"_Yes, yes, I should do this… Gyihihi~"_

WTF is there a monster in the house!?

The narrator slowly tip-toed out of Kurapika and Leorio's shared room then shut the door behind her. It was so dark you can hardly see a thing. It was dark, but there was a small beam of light illuminating from one end of the couch and faint snickers and mumbles and pieces of paper being crumpled are the only thing you can hear.

Who was that!?

"Gyihihihi~"

It was Leorio.

No, he wasn't crazy.

The doctor, who was seated Indian style on the floor behind the couch, bent forward while writing in a notebook with a table lamp above it and the scattered crumpled pieces of paper all over the place. His face was wrinkled with unexplainable satisfaction and happiness while quickly running his pen through each line of the notebook. _This should definitely do it_, he thought while rubbing his fingers against his invisible beard devilishly.

"Yosh!" Leorio slammed his pen on the floor and raised his notebook – looking satisfied. "Now let us test these. Hohoho!"

Want to know what's in Leorio's notebook? His revenge.

**SCENARIO ONE:**

Kurapika is drinking water by the sink and Leorio is sitting on a chair by the dining table. The doctor looked at him nonchalantly and asked, "Oi Kurapika, why do you look like a girl?"

Kurapika choked on his drink.

_Hehehe~_

**SCENARIO TWO:**

Kurapika is drinking water by the sink and Leorio walked past him and forcefully lifted the tumbler he is drinking in.

Kurapika choked and had water all over him.

_Hehehe~_

**SCENARIO THREE:**

Killua is watching TV while chewing on a lollipop and Leorio forcefully pulls the stick from his mouth and throws it outside the window.

_Hehehe~_

**SCENARIO FOUR:**

Killua is playing hide and seek with Gon and when he's tagged and Gon will hide, Leorio kidnaps Gon and forces him to play with the doctor instead.

_Hehehe~_

**SCENARIO FIVE:**

Kurapika was walking through the room and Leorio suddenly stood tall in front of him. Kurapika's eyebrows creased.

"Leorio, wh–"

_BAM!_

Leorio gathered all his anger and underestimation and humiliation to his fist and punched Kurapika's face so hard he was knocked out for three days and his face was engraved with Leorio's fist.

_Hehehe~_

**SCENARIO SIX:**

Killua was running through the living room towards his and Gon's shared room with the biggest smile on his face–probably planning on playing with his friend for a while and Leorio suddenly stopped him and stood tall in front of him. Killua ignored the doctor and moved to the side but Leorio never let him through.

The ex-assassin sneered. "Get out of the way, old m–"

_BAM!_

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!"

Leorio gathered all his anger and underestimation and humiliation to his right leg and kicked Killua's balls so hard he couldn't move and stand by himself and he would feel the impact of the hit from the doctor's leg for one whole week.

_Hehehe~_

**SCENARIO SEVEN:**

Leorio saw Gon running around the living room and called him. "Gon!"

The little kid paused and turned to look at the doctor. "Yep?" he asked thoughtfully.

"Come here," Leorio gestured his fingers towards him and Gon curiously obeyed. The doctor leaned forward and whispered something to the kid with that evil grin of his. "I want you to…"

[while eating dinner]  
"Ne, Killua, Kurapika…" Gon started.

Killua and Kurapika looked at Gon. "Yes?"

"HOW DO PEOPLE MAKE BABIES!?" Gon asked to the top of his lungs.

Kurapika froze.

Killua choked.

"CAN YOU EXPLAIN IT TO ME!?"

Silence.

"WHAT IS SEX THEN!? HOW DO YOU DO IT!?"

Kurapika couldn't breathe.

Killua almost died.

Leorio snickered. _Hehehe~_

**SCENARIO EIGHT:**

I will talk to Kurapika the way he talks to me and act in front of him the way he acts in front of me and say things like "Obviously" "Only stupid ones don't know that" "Don't ask me stupid questions" "Just go back to your holy shitting balcony" "Act like a true man, will ya" and roll my eyes and cross my arms and ignore him whenever he asks me something.

_Hehehe~_

**SCENARIO NINE:**

I would ask Killua to give me sweets over and over and over again because of a sudden sugar rush for one week.

_Hehehe~_

**SCENARIO TEN:**

I will let Gon force Killua to go to me, a doctor, for a dental and health check up over and over and over again.

_Hehehe~_

**SCENARIO ELEVEN:**

When Killua finally gives in for a check up, I will force to him strip naked because I will tell him it's part of the check up then if he does that I will tell him "Wait here" and leave the room and never come back.

_Hehehe~_

**SCENARIO TWELVE:**

I will replace Kurapika's underwear with panties.

_Hehehe~_

* * *

Leorio leaned back, smiling, satisfied with his beautiful marvellous touching and heart-warming self thought revenge he has written in his notebook. _I will surely get the best out of these. Hehehe…_ The doctor paused and thought of the aftermaths. _What if they get back to me after I'd done all of these?_ He sat straight and held his index finger and thumb to his chin–thinking. At least he was _not_ stupid enough to _not_ think of the aftermaths while writing them all and picturing them out and naming them as the 'best revenge by the most genius handsome not stupid doctor ever'. He was not _stupid_ enough. He wasn't _stupid_. The doctor tilted his head. _What if making them not beat me up after doing those things?_ He thought more as if his life depends on it.

After one hour…

Leorio is still thinking of a way to make them not beat him up after the revenge antics he has planned when suddenly…

"AH!" It was like a light bulb flicked open when he–

"Leorio… what are you still up at this hour?" A faint, soft sleepy voice from behind the doctor was heard. Kurapika yawned as he flicked on the living room lights.

The doctor gritted his teeth and turned to look at the blonde. "None of your business."

Kurapika dragged himself to the kitchen and opened the refrigerator to get a glass of water.

Leorio gulped when he thought of his first revenge. _I should go there and do what I have to!_ But he halted, thinking of what might happen to him if he did so. He might wake up after three days if he's lucky.

"What are you staring at?" The Kuruta raised a drowsy eyebrow towards the watching doctor while putting down the tumbler on the sink.

Leorio turned his back at the blonde and crossed his arms. "None of your business," he repeated.

"Fine," Kurapika answered as he walked towards his room. "I won't interfere if that makes you stay here. No snoring Leorio makes me sleep peacefully anyway."

"_WHAT…!?_" Leorio almost shouted but he has kept his cool. The Kuruta turned the lights off and headed inside their room, leaving the doctor only with the table lamp again. He definitely popped a very large nerve. _OH THIS IS SERIOUS! I WILL DEFINITELY PUT A SPELL ON YOU…!_

The doctor reflected. _Spell…_ He then stood up and scanned the bookshelf inside the room. Their books were all mixed up in them so he was absolutely sure Kurapika had one of those kinds of books. He absolutely has that. Leorio pulled out a thick book on brain functions and the nervous and endocrine system. Learning medicine sure has helped him, like now. Scanning through the shelf with narrowed, serious eyes, the doctor has finally found what he was looking for. There, at the bottom most part of the shelf was a thick black velvet hard bound covered book on witchcraft. He grinned to himself while pulling out the book. _Kurapika, you never know when your own things absent-mindedly betrays you. Hohoho._ The book was owned by the blonde. Leorio, the ever clever and not stupid Leorio, thought that witchcraft might help him make the three do whatever he wants with them without them beating him up in return, and he knows Kurapika has a book. For Pete's sake, the boy is a bookworm genius who wants to know everything about the facts and its basis in the universe! Of course he owns one!

Leorio, with evil grins forming on his face, carried the books lovingly and went to the kitchen. He opened the huge book on witchcraft.

"Now let's see…" He pointed his index finger through the table of contents. "Mind control… mind control… mind control… AH!" He scanned through the pages and finally found his winning spell. _This is even better._ He thought while snickering endlessly. He then opened his book on human brain then closed it after realizing its uselessness. He went on to reading the ingredients for the 'Hailed King' potion.

After hour of explosions and fireworks and bombings and sparks and evil laughs and wasted kitchen and messy kitchenware, Leorio finally raised lovingly a glass of a green then pink then yellow then blue then purple (the colors are interchanging nyaaaa) liquid. He sobbed as tears of pure joy and self praise formed on the corners of his eyes. He wiped them away while rubbing the glass to his cheeks. He has finally done it: the spell that is his revenge. He snickered and looked around. It was about 4 o'clock in the morning at that time and the three will be up in 3 hours. He has to make them drink this without them knowing it. He then thought of something then paced to the refrigerator. Leorio knows what they would 'drink' first in the morning: water. Oh yes, he's genius enough to think of that. Yes, _no one_ would _think_ a person will drink water first thing in the morning. _Hehehe~_

The doctor took a pitcher of water and poured his entire home-made potion in. He waited. As expected, and as what was written in the book, the color dissolved and it looked like normal water. It was a success. He tiptoed back to the fridge and put the pitcher inside, left the kitchen untidy (for he was planning on making the three clean it later), and put Kurapika's book back in the shelf. He went inside his and Kurapika's shared room and slumped to his bed with a smile on his face. Tired, but excited about what he knows he would do later. He dozed off–leaving the pictures of all his thought revenge floating inside his dreamland.

* * *

**PRESENT**

"_Leorio-sama…"_

The doctor giggled and purred as he heard that sweet calling of his name again. He mentally assessed everything. _Oh yes… it worked. The spell worked,_ Leorio thought while fixing his eyes on the three, battering his eyelids to see clearly. "Did you make breakfast for me…?" he asked, whispering.

He saw the silver haired kid leaning forward, closer to his face–this move somewhat had blood come running up his cheeks. He found him cute and pretty. He smiled. "Ohayo–"

_**SLAP!**_

_EH!?_ The doctor's head was forcefully turned 180 degrees to his other side. He opened his eyes and blinked a couple of times.

"Did you wake him up?" asked a kid with a smaller voice, sounding worried.

"Of course that woke him up! His face gives me chills. Nnngg!" a kid with a lower voice exclaimed.

"Oh. He's blinking," a more feminine but male voice mused.

The doctor, realizing this, turned his head back at the three and stared at them for a while. "W-Why did you slap me!?" he exclaimed instantly. He couldn't believe what just happened. He was sure he heard them call him master. _What happened!?_

"We thought something bad happened to you," Gon said with worried eyes, stepping forward.

_Ha!?_ "Why?"

"Psh~" Killua grimaced then glanced at the blonde beside Gon. "You were out for days because of Kurapika, old man."

The doctor turned his gaze to the Kuruta with wide eyes.

"Leorio, I apologize for punching you four days ago. I guess I got carried away with my emotion I didn't realize I hit your head hard," Kurapika bowed a little, apologetic.

Leorio blinked and tried to remember what happened four days ago.

"It was when you got angry at Gon and Killua," the Kuruta added. "When they ran for the pizza delivery guy then you told me I should be the one scolding them because they'll listen to me. You told me I was me I am more mother-like that's why I punched you in the face. Well, you deserved it anyways but I still apologize."

Leorio blinked again. _I was knocked out since then?_

"Ano, Leorio…" Gon looked down while smiling nervously–hesitant. "I'm sorry too for causing you too much trouble." He looked at the doctor and smiled. "Gomen ne, Leorio."

The doctor couldn't help but feel fine just by looking at Gon.

The spiky haired kid elbowed his best friend.

Leorio shifted his gaze to Killua, waiting for what he has to say.

The ex-assassin grimaced and looked away. "I'm sorry too," he muttered, almost whispering.

"What?"

"Killua, say it louder."

Killua closed his eyes and shouted "I said I was sorry, okay!?" to the top of his lungs.

The doctor couldn't help but laugh at the antics of his three friends. Gon and Kurapika laughed too while the doctor tease the ex-assassin about the apology. After all the teasing and bullying and ignoring they have done to him, they are still his friends, and no matter what happens, they will stay as that–even if the they really get to his nerve.

"Leorio," the Kuruta started. "Breakfast's on the table."

He smiled at him. "Okay."

The three left the doctor to wash up and think and recover from the 4 days of passing out. While dressing he thought again his dream of doing the revenge and how it all felt like it's really happening. He grimaced. _Damn it! I wish it came true!_

End.

* * *

Ree-chan: I finally posted this! Yatta!

Leorio: . . .

Gon: Leorio, I love you! ^_^

Kurapika: So that's what you were thinking of doing, huh?

Killua: Tche~ You won't get near me.

Ree-chan: Leorio! What are you doing!? This is your moment, ne!

Leorio: *turns to look seriously* Searching for that spell book.

Ree-chan, Killua, Kurapika: ...o_o...

Gon: Eh?

Leorio: Review or I'll have your name written on my Death Note. _Gyihihi~_

Ree-chan: Psh~ Of course he's joking.

Leorio: *death glare*

Ree-chan: Eeek! Kurapikaaaaaaa~~~ *hides behind Kura-chan*

Kurapika: What the...?


End file.
